Written by a parent who went through it

Why this exists

When my own separation happened, I went looking for something practical.

I found plenty of legal explainers, written for a solicitor's client rather than for a parent at two in the morning. I found books about healing and moving on, which were not what I needed at the time. I found forums, where the loudest advice was usually the worst advice.

What I could not find was something that told me what to actually say on a Tuesday evening when my child asked why I did not live with them any more. Or how to answer a message designed to provoke me. Or what a first hearing actually involves, in plain English, before I walked into one.

So I started writing it down — first for myself, then properly, once it became clear how many other parents were looking for exactly the same thing and not finding it either.

What you will find here

The Field Manual is the main book. Seventy-six pages across eight parts: the first days, seeing it through your child's eyes, building two homes, communication under pressure, when things get difficult, when you need outside help, rebuilding, and the long game.

Every part ends the same three ways — what to take away, which worksheet turns it into action, and a plain statement of when to stop reading and get proper help. That last one matters. A book that never tells you it has reached its limit is not being honest with you.

The Workbook is twenty-seven fillable worksheets, each one cross-referenced to a section of the Manual. A handover planner. A communication log. A support circle map. A court chronology. You can type straight into the PDF or print the pages you need. They are the pages I wish I had had, rather than the backs of envelopes I actually used.

The free checklist is ten things worth knowing early. It costs nothing and it is a reasonable place to start if you are not sure any of this is for you.

Who it is for

Parents who are separating, or already separated, and who want to do it in a way their children can live with.

It is written for England and Wales. The legal sections cover mediation, the MIAM requirement, the C100 application, what a first hearing involves, section 7 reports and how any of it gets paid for. If you are in Scotland or Northern Ireland the parenting material still applies, but the court process differs and you should take local advice.

It assumes you are the parent trying to keep things steady. It does not assume your ex-partner is a monster, and it does not assume they are reasonable either. It works either way.

What this is not

I am not a lawyer, a mediator, a therapist or a social worker. This is not legal advice and it is not therapy. It is one parent's hard-won practical experience, checked carefully against current guidance for England and Wales, and written down properly.

Where you need a solicitor, a mediator, your GP or a specialist domestic abuse service, the books say so plainly and tell you what to look for. That is the point of the "get help if" boxes at the end of every part.

I will not tell you how to win. There is nothing to win. What you can do is conduct yourself in a way that means, in ten years, your children remember a parent who stayed steady.

Where to start

If everything is still raw, start with the free checklist and Part One of the Manual.

If you are trying to organise two homes, start at Part Three.

If communication has become hostile, Parts Four and Five.

If mediation or court is ahead, Part Six.

You do not have to read it in order, and you do not have to do all of it. Take what is useful and leave the rest.

I am based in England and you can reach me at hello@parentingthroughseparation.co.uk.